Tag Archives: depression

Happy and Sad Times

1 Oct

Well, I beat the Education Board! I will be honest, they stood little chance against me since I am well aware of how awkward I am, and they were blissfully unaware! Although I have to admit that even I had my doubts when faced with knock back after knock back. That saying, I think they just got fed up with my phoning their offices 3 times a day, and not just annoying one person but quite a few!. I learnt that the more people I spoke to, the more names they threw at me, so I would get their phone numbers also and phone them as well. I can only imagine their office. In my mind it’s an open plan design and when they answer the phone and I tell them who I am they would roll their eyes and pass me over to the next unsuspecting person. Literally 3 times a day for weeks on end to get extra support for my child who has a long-term chronic illness. What a joke. In the end though I did get to speak to people who were totally supportive and understanding of Jac’s needs. Funnily enough by the time it got to go to the panel meeting I think they were that sick of hearing my name that Jac’s case got approved easily,  Yay and high-five to myself! Jac got approved for 2 hours support every day while he is at pre- school.  A proud moment for my self- esteem as I would normally hide in a corner rather than speak out, but when it comes to my children then I guess I surprised myself! Unfortunately this seems to be a battle that I will face every year until Jac is able to be in control of his own diabetes, which they seem to think will be around aged 8, but I’m not sure when it will be. Is it really fair to ask an 8-year-old to look after his diabetes and long term health? Is this a concern that he needs as a child? Surely it is up to the adults in his life to ensure he is safe and well rather than him have to act like an adult and grow up before his time.

At the same time as all the stress of this was going on, it was also a sad time in our family. My Grandpa (at the grand age of 89) suddenly got very poorly and sadly passed away. It was a shock as he had been relatively healthy up to that point, but he suffered an aneurism in his heart, got poorly, and died within 24 hours of first getting ill. For him it was the best way to go. He would have hated to get ill and have to rely on people as he was so independent. It was also a big coincidence that my mum had gone over to his house (3 hours away) for a surprise visit , but what an amazing relief that she had. She was with him from the first feeling of illness to the last. Hard for her, but what a relief that he hadn’t had to be on his own, confused and in pain. He had his eldest daughter with him and I know that he would have been comforted by this. When he had passed away my mum (who is qualified as a Licensed Reader) was able to be with him immediately after dying and hold a little service and prayers. This would have meant the world to him and I am so grateful that this was done for him. Grandpa’s funeral was also taken by my mother at his request and was incredibly emotional. His wishes were for a particular hymn to be sung, and at this exact time in the service when the organ started playing, the heavens opened and the rain absolutely pelted down. Probably coincidence…..but you can’t help but think it was him saying goodbye. He was such a charismatic man and will be sorely missed. I can’t even begin to picture the following Christmas without him there, we will certainly be thinking of him and missing him always. It was lovely to see all the family at the funeral as we never get to meet together, but it was strange without Grandpa with us. We certainly gave him a good send off and I think there were a few hangovers the next day, mine included!

And so we continue, always remembering what we have lost.

I count my blessings every day for my gorgeous family, wonderful friends, and our happy lives. May it be long and joyful!

Sadness

19 Jun

That period after Jac’s diagnosis was tough. I did the initial survival techniques and was coping brilliantly! But after that rise came a massive fall. I felt tired. And unmotivated. And ostracised from everyone. No one can possibly know what you are going through unless something major has also happened to them (which is not something I would wish for anyone). The cloud that descended on me was huge. I wanted to be able to deal with everything as I normally would, but I was incapable. It was even too much to hoover. Some might say it was depression, and I wouldn’t disagree, but I also wouldn’t say it was. I was just down and unable to cope with anything other than the health of my family.

I don’t want to bring up this part of my journey apart from to say that my true friends came forward! And for that I’m very grateful. I did admittedly become a diabetes bore, but only because that was all I could cope with at that time in my life. Sorry friends! But other parents in the same position? It was bad for a while. It’s only now nearly to the day that I feel back to normal.

Which brings me to my other point. Prior to Jac’s diagnosis I was reasonably fit. I went to the gym 5 times a week and worked part time. We also have another son aged 7 (more on his story on another blog!) and we had also had a new litter of springer spaniel puppies to add to our house. We now have 2 Springer spaniel dogs, 2 boys, my husband works full time and I work part time. Unfortunately, with a small family, my gym has hit the dust. I no longer have a gym bunny body, and have a little more wobbly bits than I would like! I’ve recently started training on my new bike in the hopes that I would tone up again, I’ve done 40 miles in the last 3 days so fingers crossed my flabby bits will bu**er off soon!

On my next post I hope to touch on the support from Diabetes Uk  family events and what happened after my dark time….